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The weight of fear

What do you do when you live under the weight of fear? It has occurred to me that I have been doing this for the last year or so. I do not want to provide situational details, but rather describe how it has affected me.

There have been other times in my life when I was afraid of a person, a situation, or an upcoming event. But for the most part, they were brief and fleeting. This past year, I have actually been fairly consistently afraid. It has been in my life on a very nearly daily basis. It has caused worry, stress, sleeplessness, hair loss, weight gain, moodiness and I am sure other not so nice behaviors and consequences. Now before your imaginations start running wild, it has not been from a person, but rather a situation. One that I am now happy too report I am free of.

I have always been a fairly high strung person. I give 100% in most things, if not more than. If I feel like I am doing a bad job or am told I am doing a bad job at whatever, I go above and beyond to try to make it right. I worry terribly about what people think of me. I want very much to be liked by everyone. Now I know rationally not everyone I meet will like me, but a girl can hope right?! I also understand that I will not like everyone I meet, but I still want to treat everyone with dignity and respect. There has been some mellowing with age, but I do have a tendency to speak my mind.

Controlling my tongue has been a lifelong endeavor. The grace of the Lord has helped me in this area. There have been many times over the last year that I wanted to really say what I felt, but I allowed fear to keep my from saying anything. I was so concerned speaking the truth would produce serious problems for me. There are even times when I would dream at night that I brought about a bad outcome from saying the wrong thing. So, I have vented to my husband or my friends and continued living each day in fear.

I have recently learned this fear was purposely encouraged to try to control my behavior. It is a very sad commentary on how people treat you, when they want you to continue to worry about your circumstances. Well no more. I am out from under it and now I can see plainly what has been happening. While I don't yet understand why the Lord allowed this in my life, I know there was a purpose. More importantly, I am so truly grateful He has brought me out from under it. It is time to move forward.

I want to encourage you if you are living in fear. Fear does not come from the Lord. Fear comes from the devil. It is another tactic he uses to keep you from Christ. It causes separation between you and your savior and that is exactly what the devil wants! The bible tells us, "You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you." Deut 3:22 ESV. Do not allow the devil this control in your life. Pray to the Lord to deliver you from this.

In His service
Mally

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